I made beans three days ago. Before I put the bacon in the crock pot, I trimmed off some of the fat. As per usual, I was sidetracked before I finished the project and some time between my comings and goings, before I returned to clean off the cutting board in the kitchen, one of the cats made off with trimmings. I know this because some time in the afternoon, one of the kids came downstairs telling me there was 'bird poop' on the stairs. I went to investigate and found a small dollop of semi-congealed bacon fat (now nicely sweating at 80 degrees or so,) on one of the stair treads. I passed it, fully intending to go into the bathroom to get a paper towel to wipe it up but I was probably preoccupied by having to go pee, then, grabbing a load of laundry on the way down, I didn't see the bacon and completely forgot about it when I returned downstairs. I didn't make it back upstairs again, and while the kids probably passed it 40 or 50 times, they are basically useless and didn't think to clean it up. Dan found it after he got home from work. (And was none-too-pleased to find it, I might add.) So he grabbed a Kleenex to wipe it up and this is what we found:
Look at that color and shine restored! So now I'm thinking that bacon grease is the way to go on the interior wood restoration. Lay bacon on the stairs, tack it to the door jambs and window frames, leave it there all day and then remove and wipe. What could be easier?
Upon further consideration I began to visualize the drawbacks:
First, I believe it would draw every dog in the neighborhood to break down our screen doors and stampede through the house like that scene in "A Christmas Story". Second, my Chabad friends could never come to visit. Third, the stairs might get a little slick. Dang it... back to the drawing board.
